If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
