a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
