i was born a porn star she said
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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