non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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