false alarm. still invincible.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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