you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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