whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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