I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
