Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize