At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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