you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
