Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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