It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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