It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Randomize
