Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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