You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
