dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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