what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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