i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
