I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize