I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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