I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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