i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
