oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
