You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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