saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
