If i come over, it means nothing
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
