Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
