It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize