Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
