whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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