Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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