Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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