apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
