Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
