Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
