obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
