well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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