It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
