I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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