Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
