Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
