I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
