Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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