i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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