I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
