I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we have pet lesbian snakes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
