I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
