Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
