you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
