you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
