Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
