when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
