its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You're like the curious george of whores
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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