this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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