I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
