Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
