she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
