There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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