Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
