theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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