Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
