the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
