cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
