Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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