Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
