Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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