New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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