Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
