why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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