I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
