think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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