Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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